Saturday, December 31, 2005
i never imagined heaven would be so hot_lena, the pretty Greek sister of the traveling pants [wala lang... natawa lang ako nung nabasa ko to.. bwahaha.]what should i say? *sigh* i totally disagree with what elton john [was it him?] said. sorry isnt the hardest word. its goodbye. experience taught me that well. ive always pretended to be strong enough but at times, i just cannot. years upon years, ive been holding back my tears whenever someone i love would leave... like dad. and now, i find it just as difficult to say goodbye to 2005.and yes, i still am not strong enough. im sort of cynophobic [afraid of dogs] and in the same way, i am afraid of what lies ahead in the coming year, which will be around SOON [like 11 hours and 44 minutes from now].. or maybe i just find it SO hard to leave all the good things that came my way for the last 12 months of my life. last year was a very fun year, especially with dahlia. but at the same time, it was sort of regretful.. really. more than once, i got tangled up with my wrong moves so i cant say i was completely happy with my sophie year.but here comes 2005, seriously, i feel so blessed. for those who dont know yet, i went thru this [crappy] misplaced identity issue & although i was still close to God, something just didnt go right. but i am very grateful to have experienced it. it made me realize that i was too self-centered and that realization brought me back to stability & to what He was all the while calling me to do, to be a missionary.btw, if i have offended you or something, i really am sorry. sorry. sorry. all that was lost in 2004 came back.. like joji- we werent so close in 2nd yr and i cant say i didnt feel bad about it. but it was ok, friends need space to grow up as individuals.. even best friends. ta-da.. here we are again, a package once more. i love u joji kahit isa kang bruja [bwahaha.] *joke lang*like sk- were still in the process of reliving the fire.. like this person- were finally talking again. not that we had some fight or something.. we simply fell apart & now... no, were not falling somewhere else.like my self-esteem- not that ive become a confidence machine. i still think i stink but ive learned not to dwell on my weaknesses. there are far more important things to think about.. like your relationship with God.like my family- this is yet my merriest CHRISTmas. for the first time, my familys complete.. how can i thank God enough?like my passion for His word- this year, more than ever, i was sooo into Gods word.. like i cant read anything without opening my bible first. it was some sort of thirst, a thirst you wouldn't want to be quenched. basta, ang dami pa. so much more actually. what made this year so memorable to me is the comeback of these important things in my life... plus many more beautiful stuff like the cheerleading victory, sea games, peso, ms international, retreat, ymsat thing [i find this hard to forget, especially when our comics original copys with me], kuya greggy who used to think i was his biggest enemy [hehe..], ramayana, paskorus, a great section [sodium, u made my year so worthwhile].. so much more pa talaga and i am feeling so frustrated for not being able to write them all.ang dami talagang magagandang nangyari sa buhay ko this year. its a blessing and otherwise all at once. dahil dun, natatakot ako na baka mawala na naman sila sa kin or baka hindi na ganun kaganda ang year ahead. natatakot ako na mawala ung optimism & faith ko, two things that kept me holding on. binasa ko ung mga palanca sa kin ng mga tao kagabi at natatakot ako na baka mawala ung shayne na sinulatan nila. ewan. ang dami pa namang mangyayari sa near end ng sy. jam-packed with activities ang farewell ng junior life ko. sige na, takot na ako. takot na takot ako na iwan ang lahat so please, wag nyo akong iwan. importante kayo sa buhay ko. *yak ang drama* hehe... joke lang, kung will ni God na mag-iwanan tayo, ok lang yan.. good luck na lang sa ting lahat. pa*hug* na lang. pero hello? with all the good things that came my way, shouldnt i be more excited? *sigh* hehehe.. tonight, when i say my new year prayer, after giving praise and thanks, i would be praying for this fear. God is a lot bigger than it. maya-maya, wala na yan. i have faith.happy new year. looking forward to another year with God.
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